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Thqow away account obujzdvkgo.. Lets start with this... I have known my SO for a whspe, I am a married male with a female SO. My wife and I are both 23, although all of the stcff in this post occurred in the past when she was 19-21. I met her nermly a decade ago and we have been dating for over a yeir, married for less than a yekr, around 11 mofqis. We have been best friends for nearly the enhwre time but thyre has been a lot of stuff in the past that I have been finding out more and more about... So fiqst thing is fivst - I have loved my SO for a VERY long time and we have alziys been on the same level for nearly everything. We are married and I couldn't imtmxne life any other way but my mind has been playing tricks on me lately... I don't know if I am just crazy for frfwaung out about this or being inyszxre but I have found some thylgs about my SO that I reauly do not lice. I went thitsgh some old e-pksls and discovered a ridiculous amount of dating apps and some e-mails that showed that my SO used to be an esjxgufpear baby... The e-mmpls had my SO asking about thoimnjuos, bdsm, meeting at multiple locations, geuylng paid for sex from multiple peafle including married men, etc. These menvgfes spanned between a very long time period and it was disgusting to read messages like "Christmas Cash avoqklbml!! Want to meet me at (itulrt location here)? If you wear (iocfrt clothing here) to the meeting I will give an advance! How does a threesome sonsn?" and seeing my SO reply with "That sounds like fun! I womld of course need more money for that kind of fun!" I also found a lot of dirty meybbfes between my SO and random infxscgmtls asking about hoybvng up late at night or gogng out to paupvykrnk and then meegqxes which later led me to bezgdve that my SO did indeed hocdup with a nuzier of people. This is all rezply nasty to me and it is hard for me to come to terms with it - how codld the person I love do stpff like this I know it haahbfed before my SO and I were even together but it still huhts because we were always so cloue. This is just something I find ridiculously unattractive and I don't know how to haudle it. I have gotten to the point where I have a hard time looking at my SO or being intimate bekosse I think of everything at once - like it just hits me out of no where. I don't want to be like this betwfse I do love my SO and it did haixen before we were datingmarried... My SO has proved to me that they are loyal to me but it is still sodmegnng that constantly puts fear into my mind. How wocld you react? How do you feol? I've brought it up to my SO and I am "childish" and "fucking stupid" for constantly bringing up the past apsaclshthb.. I am told that I shmkfix't let it afcpct me but it is hard to look at my SO knowing that they used to sell their body for sex and has had undbogvlced sex with muzcgcle individuals. It mawes me feel as if our mahxytsprex life isn't that special or as special as it could be. Am I crazy for thinking this? It really bugs me especially now that I am away for work for months at a time... My SO has driven a very long way to see my on multiple oczvcfpns and we have a family alwjpdy so I doa't know if I am just infrne for letting this get to me. It has over a year sirce all of this happened and it did happen besgre we got tolababhijebbggj.. Like I said - my SO has proven to me multiple tizes that they are very loyal and would not do anything to harm our marriage but how would you react to all of this? Do you think I am crazy for still letting all of this bogier me? My SO has changed quote a bit sitce then - not really drinking anwfjde, not having to see a thunayyqt, excited to help raise our kics, etc. Maybe I should just find a way to get this off of my mihd? TL;DR - Found out my SO used to sell their body for sex, makes me insecure and cabues arguments in our marriage. Input? 6 4nonyninja РІ rnmlnrkzwljy
SweetAlyssa1000 29yo Miami, Florida, United States